Hilerious dating profile

After our breakup, I had just assumed there would be a bunch of kind, brilliant, liberal, funny guys my age to choose from. Surely my friends would set me up with their single friends, and besides, I am out in the public a lot doing events at bookstores and political gatherings, the ideal breeding ground for my type of guy. People don't know single guys my age who are looking for single women my age. I went onto with a clear knowledge that relationships are not the answer to lifelong problems. Curiously, almost without exception, they were "spiritual but not religious." I thought for a while that this meant ecumenical, drawn to Rumi, Thomas Merton, Mary Oliver.

A 60-year-old man does not fantasize about a 60-year-old woman. But I have come to learn that this means they think of themselves as friendly.

(The frequent reference to wanting a non-judgmental woman makes a girl worry: What if you're pretty non-judgmental, but then Larry Craig asks you out for coffee, or Buzz Bissinger, and little by little, more is revealed?

) A strangely high number of them mention that they hope you've left your baggage at the airport -- because, I guess, they are all well! Eight new guys arrived every day, along with a remnants section of men who lived pretty far away.

By Anthea Paul Allen & Unwin Your Personal Profile – The facts about me My full name is _____I was born on _____(day/month/date)I am a _____ citizen and this makes me feel _____ My star sign is _____ My parents are _____ I have _____ siblings (if you have them!

)I am currently at _____ school / university / college or I currently work at _____What I like about my school studies / job is _____What I dislike about my school studies / job is _____I am saving up for _____ because _____My home is in _____(place) and I have lived here for _____(years)My friends are _____ (names and descriptions)I love people who _____ (take risks / tell funny stories, etc.)My favorite activity/activities include _____ and I love to do this because _____My favorite color is _____ because it reminds me of _____I love to say _____ and my most over-used saying is probably _____My favorite meal involves _____ and my favorite snack food is _____I consider myself to be _____ (healthy/unhealthy) and fitness _____ is/is not important to me.

Also, 91 percent of men snore loudly – badly, like very sick bears.

But sometimes I am lonely for a partner, a soul mate, a husband. I rarely missed sex: I had tiny boundary issues in all those years of drinking, and by my early 20s I had used up my lifelong allotment. I do love what Wodehouse called the old oompus-boompus when it happens to be in progress, but wouldn't go out of my way.It transforms an experience similar to sleeping next to a dying silverback gorilla into sleeping next to an aquarium. Also, most men a single woman meets have been separated or divorced for about 20 minutes. This – subscribing -- means you can communicate with people at the site, instead of just studying the profiles, questionnaires, preferences and photographs for free. So the first morning, eight profiles of men varying in age from 54 to 63 arrived by email.Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dull, sort of like real life.They are "glass half-full kind of people." That's very nice.They like to think that they are "closest to Buddhism," and "open to the magic that is all around us." They are "people-people." They are "open-minded and welcome all viewpoints." They are rarely seeking religious nuts like myself -- rather, they are seeking open, non-judgmental women.

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